My original plan for today’s post was to give you some of my favorite fall recipes…

But as I watched election results the other night, I decided to change course (I mean, cookies and food are always important… so they will come in the next post, I promise!)

I don’t talk politics very much (and it is likely my husband won’t be thrilled I decided to write about it today either… sorry honey!). That’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I think we have entered an era where everybody does way too much talking and not enough listening. And when I say listening, I mean listening to a range of opinions. Not just the ones that you already agree with.

This week has been one of those weeks that drove home that point with a sledgehammer. I have a healthy mix of viewpoints on my news feeds. Here’s a small example of the things that jumped out at me yesterday:

1. Videos depicting why a person would never vote for a Democrat
2. Posts about how Republicans are racist
3. Multiple posts making fun of the appearance of female Democratic candidates
4. An insane amount of posts that include derogatory, racist, hateful speech, as well as name-calling

To be transparent, I am an Independent politically. I have strong left leanings when it comes to some issues and right leanings when it comes to others.

I suppose it’s no surprise. As a therapist, my job has always been to listen. Not listen with the intent of forming the right rebuttal but listening to truly understand. That requires you to step away from  your own views for a minute and hold back from letting your emotional reactions fly so that you can understand another human beings’ point of view. It doesn’t always mean I agree with that view, but it means I am able to hear it and, usually, understand it. Understanding and approval are two different things.

And this is what I find terrifying about politics right now. There is virtually none of that. And it’s not even the politicians that worry me… although they do… it’s my own friends and family. It’s the off-the-cuff, derogatory statements about another party or minority group. It’s the absolute resoluteness that their view is right and everyone else is wrong. It’s the adamant refusal to tolerate a discussion with someone from the other side. It’s the quick outrage when someone expresses disagreement with their opinion. And the name calling and bullying… who are these people who I normally know and love?!

To help people manage this climate better, here are my Healthy as Heck Guidelines of Politics….

1. Challenge all or nothing thinking. This is a term Psychologists use to identify a type of thought distortion. If you watch your language and thoughts enough, you’ll notice these everywhere. You can catch them wherever you find the words ‘all, never, always, everyone, no one.’ It’s called a distortion because, in reality, things are rarely black and white. If you are passionate about politics, I encourage you to start watching how often you fall into the trap of believing these thoughts. It’s the “EVERYONE who is of the other party is evil, stupid, racist, ‘snowflakes,’ etc.” thoughts. Chances are there are plenty of people (even people you know and love dearly) that are not those things at all and yet still hold beliefs opposite to you. And they aren’t an exception… they are likely the rule. Believing and responding from all or nothing thoughts will destroy your friendships and intimate relationships and will prevent you from getting to know wonderful people who simply have a different opinion than you.

2. Practice “Yes, and.” There is room for both your and someone else’s opinions to be valid. For example, it is true that women are sexually assaulted at a staggering rate. It is also true that a small minority of women falsely report assaults for more sinister reasons. Both are valid. So, let’s discuss them both. It’s only when we can say “and” that both sides can come to the table, feel heard, and find a solution.

3. Listen more than you speak. When you find yourself in a political discussion with someone who disagrees with you, fight the urge to respond right away. Let them finish their thought and then take a deep breath. Maybe count to ten. If you give yourself a second, you’ll likely find yourself thinking about – and perhaps understanding – what they’re saying more than you otherwise would. And if you can get there, you might be able to engage in a reasonable discussion that doesn’t dissolve into name calling, hurt feelings, and tarnished relationships. It doesn’t mean you agree, it just means you listen.

4. If you post it on social media, be prepared for responses you don’t like. This is such a pet peeve for me. If you put a political (or any) opinion up on your social media feed, don’t get angry when people respond to it. I make an exception to this rule if someone calls you a name or threatens you. Generally speaking though, if you’re going to be bold enough to post it, you should be bold enough to respectfully stand behind it. Social media is no different from sitting around a dinner table. If you say it, people will respond to it. It’s called communication. If you get irate when people comment on your posts with disagreements or find yourself calling your friends and family names (or even worse) not speaking to them anymore… then you need to take a break from posting your opinions on social media (or, better yet, take a break from social media completely).

5.  Just be kind.  This doesn’t need an explanation, does it?  If you wouldn’t want it said to you, then don’t say it. Period.

I’m not writing this because I’m perfect. I have been guilty of losing my cool during political conversations in the past. I still really struggle in conversations where the other party refuses to hear anything but their own voice or decides to stoop to low blows. But I realize there is more to the world than my own beliefs about it. When I started listening more and understanding where both sides were coming from, my view of everything changed.

It’s also something I practice at home… My husband differs from me politically on, not all, but a ton of issues. When these come up, I always try to come back to listening. When we seem to not be listening anymore, then the conversation is over. And here’s why: at the end of the day, I know my husband has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. I know he is insanely intelligent, kind, fair, and loving… even when I think he’s dead wrong. When we stop listening, I call it a truce and leave it alone for a while, because I value our relationship and him more than I value my politics.

I believe it’s how we all need to get through these politically charged times, while keeping our most valuable relationships intact.

Hope you all found a way to share your opinion at the polls!  As always, stay Healthy as Heck, Friends!

**and feel free to share this with anyone that you think needs to read it 😉