Going from a successful career-oriented woman, to a stay-at-home Mom, to now building a part-time career has been an enormously difficult transition for me. It has provided many lovely moments and is a time that I will cherish forever, but it has also required me to really shed a layer of my identify and deal with what I’ve found underneath it. This has prompted a mix of emotions and sometimes I find myself simultaneously feeling grateful, disappointed, and frustrated.

The interesting part is that I know I’m not alone in this, I’ve heard many Moms talking about it in one place or another. I’m going to put aside the topic of what it means to identify with the ‘Mom’ identify for a later post, but today I want to talk a little about defining success in our lives. This is a topic I’ve really had to think long and hard about recently and if you are struggling to feel like you measure up, I think this post will speak to you too.

Culture would like us to believe that “success” is very narrowly defined. It jumps out at you scrolling through social media or or even when you’re just standing in the check-out line, minding your business at the grocery store where all the magazines are displayed. Images of wealth, youth, and luxury are everywhere around us and plant the idea that in order to be considered “successful” in life, there are clear expectations for what we need to be, have, or do.

While many of these pictures of success in our culture have been similar for decades, there is a sneaky one that seems to be growing within my social media feeds. It’s one targeted to women and falls under what I would call the “boss babe” picture of success.

I’ve used that term in many of my posts… often to describe women (or even moments in my own life) when someone has really worked hard towards their life goals. But I’ve found myself struggling with this term as well. While it has grown to be a term that people often associate with the empowerment of women, it can also be a term that women use to level passive judgment against other women.

Yeah, I bet you didn’t see this post going there, but buckle up…

Here’s the thing, research has clearly shown that girls and boys bully each other differently. Boys tend to be physically aggressive while girls tend to be more aggressive socially. This notion of boss babe success has been a tough one for me, because I think sometimes it can be used to take a little dig at women who choose to live their life away from the entrepreneurial or corporate grind. And while I want to cheerlead both myself and other women who are out there doing amazing things, I/we need to be careful that we don’t inadvertently send the message that women who are not following the same path are somehow less successful or awesome.

While that’s my mindset, many women do precisely the opposite. While calling attention to their success, choices, or life, they (often very obviously) are putting down others. That, to me, is bullying. Because, let’s be honest, you know you’ve read a post that simultaneously lifts a woman up by (in a read between the lines way) stepping on another.

Let me give you an example – You have probably seen the post in which a woman posts an image of herself working at her computer in front of a beautiful view and goes on to tell you how wonderful it is that she grew her own business, can be home with her children, earn a ton of money, live an extravagant lifestyle, and not have to work the dreaded 9-5. (There’s often more to these posts, but that’s the general gist).

First – let me say, I think it is 100% applaudable and outstanding that the woman posting this has found work that she loves and is able to complete it in a way that makes her happy (assuming her posts are actually true). If this is you, you rock!

BUT – it is also ok to NOT be that woman. It’s also a “boss babe” move to be a stay at home Mom, or a 9-5 Mom, or a going-to-get-an-education Mom, or an I-work-nights-so-my-husband-can-work-days Mom, or not a Mom at all and 100% focused on your own career and relationship goals. In any of those definitions, and many that I didn’t have space to identify, you still rock!

As women, we need to get away from this idea that our way of living our life makes us better than a woman who is doing it differently. I’m thankful that we’ve moved past the days when women’s role models all looked the same: perfectly dressed at all times, parading around in tiaras, and/or waiting on or for men to add value to our lives. But, if we are truly going to grow into a stronger version of ourselves, we need to be careful of how we talk about it.

Personally, I like being able to do the career/entrepreneur thing. I also really like leaving my house to go do it. In becoming a Mom, I’ve grown to also like working at home and having the flexibility to be present with my family a lot. So, my goals are to build something that works around all those things, when and if possible.

But you know what? One of my closest friends is not that way at all. She is the most devoted and amazing stay at home Mom that I have ever seen and she loves every second of it. I think she is worthy of awe almost every day.

And you know what else? I have several friends who work 9-5’s and they do incredible things in their careers. They take their kids to childcare and go kill it at work. Then they come home and do amazing things for their families.

I could go on, but you get the point… Who do you judge to be “more” successful than the other? In my book, they all are boss babes and they should be in your book too.

So then, that brings us to the obvious question – what is success? What does it look like?

And unfortunately, you will have to wait for next week to get the answer to that one – BUT I promise you, it will be SO worth the wait! So, check back on next Wednesday for tips on how to know if you’re living a successful life and also why you should avoid people who claim to know what your success should look like.

It’s such an important Part 2, so don’t miss it! Just in case, click over to my homepage and subscribe to healthyasheck.com! You will get emails every time a new post goes up – and that is the ONLY time you will ever get en email. No Spam Here.

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And As Always, Stay Healthy as Heck, KH