In last week’s post, (Defining Success on Your Own Terms – Part 1) I left you with a question – what is success? What does it look like?

And the answer is: whatever works for you.

No really, that really is my answer.

In years of doing psychotherapy and then listening to people as I worked with them in the dance/ fitness business I have learned many things, but one of the most consistent things I have seen is that everyone is truly unique. There is no one-size fits all version of successful living. That means, that whatever journey you’ve taken and wherever you happen to be heading is fantastic as long as that journey, generally speaking, brings contentment, joy, satisfaction, and peace.

I think it’s ignorant (yup, I said it) to assume that our journey is somehow better than anyone else’s – because what is better exactly?

Is it better to have to leave your kids for 9 hours a day or be home with your kids all day and miserable because of it? Is it better to build a business with incredible income and that you love but have responsibilities that take away from the time you spend with your family? Or is it better to choose traditional employment that allows for comfortable income, vacations with your family, and flexibility with childcare? How do you compare things like this? They are apples and oranges and are completely dependent on who you are and what makes life work FOR YOU.

Regardless of whether you believe in God like I do, I believe that you should try to work toward finding your belief in something bigger than yourself – whatever you call that. Each and every one of us has inherent value as a human being and each and every one of us has a reason for being on this planet we call Earth. That purpose, that calling, that journey, is completely and 100% unique to you. No human on this earth would ever be able to know exactly what success looks like for you – unless they claim to be God.

And that means you can unfollow (online or in life) anyone who suggests that they know what is best for you or states there is some predetermined path to success waiting for you. I have a seriously difficult time listening to people who talk like they somehow know what success is supposed to look like for someone else. These are the people that say, “it’s too bad, it seems like they had the potential to be so much more successful in life.” Because, I’m sorry, who are you? Who are you to judge what path God gave to someone else?

I can tell you that those people often have their own internal battles going on. I can tell you that most of those people are condemning where you are in life because they either wish they were there, or you didn’t listen to their advice and now they’re uncomfortable with your happiness.

So how do you know if you’re making it?

Here are 5 questions that I think are a good starting point for evaluating your success in life so far:

1. ARE YOU HAPPY? And I don’t mean do you wake up every day looking at the world like it is one of those unicorn and rainbow snapchat filters. I’m not talking about the fake happiness you see online of the people trying to sell you things. I am asking – when you lay your head down at the end of a long day – do you feel generally satisfied with the life you have RIGHT NOW. Do you feel like the good in your life outweighs the bad?
2. DO YOU HAVE PEOPLE YOU LOVE THAT LOVE YOU BACK? Again, this doesn’t mean that everyone needs to love you. It doesn’t mean that you might not have some broken relationships here and there or that you always get along with everyone in your life. It does mean that you have a core group of people that you know you can count on, that you know would be there for you through the storms in life, that you know you would do anything for as well.
3. DO YOU HAVE A PASSION? This does not, and I repeat, does not have to be your occupation! Again, there is this myth out there that you are only successful if you are doing work that you love – but that’s not actually true. I have seen lots of people who do work they like and then leverage the benefits of that work to engage in activities they love outside of work. The major point is – is there something in your life that fires you up and makes you feel alive and energized.
4. DO YOU HAVE GOALS? Do you have things that you are working toward that make you a better person? Notice I did not say – do you have goals to make more money? Money has been shown over and over again to not be a source of true happiness (at least not after a certain point) so the bigger question to ask yourself is whether you have things you are working on that make you grow internally. Things that make you a better overall person. Those goals never die. You can retire from any job on earth and still be working on big things.
5. DO YOU GIVE BACK? Do you ever think of people other than yourself? This is one we don’t talk about much, but it’s important that, in life, we take all the things we have to be grateful for and use them to lift up someone else. Now let me be clear – this doesn’t have to be financial. It could mean that you take 5 minutes of your day and call someone that you know could use a friend. It could mean that you notice when an elderly person drops something and go over and help them. It could be a hundred little things – but the important question is – do you make an effort to make someone else’s path in this life a little better? To me, that is probably the biggest marker of a successful life.

With those questions on the table – here is one final note: if you went through these questions and thought, “shit, I don’t have a passion” or “darn it, I don’t have a good supportive group of people around me.” or “crap, I’ve lived a really selfish life so far” —

THAT’S OK!

It doesn’t mean you are a failure in any way, shape, or form. It just means that you have an opportunity to be better, do better, and define success more meaningfully in the years ahead. Not because it would make your Instagram grid look more appealing or because it would allow you to buy a better handbag – but because it would genuinely make you a happier and more beautiful human being.

Because at the end of the day – wouldn’t it be unfortunate to reach the end of our lives, having listened to what culture tells us success looks like – and find we lost track of all the things that really mattered along the way? Taking stock of what’s important = #bossbabemoves

As Always, Stay Healthy As Heck, KH

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